Autistics Say It Straight II: Swim with Sharks...? LONG Office Politics Recovery

Imagine, if you will, an average business lunch. A new circle of Dante’s Hell...

May 18, 2024

"Biggest Freaking NGO on the Planet" by Johnny Profane Au. The image portrays a surreal cityscape at night, centered on a modern building labeled "BFNGO." A gigantic, ghostly figure with a terrified, exaggerated expression looms over the building, resembling Edvard Munch's "The Scream." This haunting figure evokes themes of stress and anxiety, paralleling the article's exploration of the emotional and sensory overload experienced in high-pressure work environments. The art style combines expressionism and gothic horror, with bold lines and a muted palette. The dramatic chiaroscuro effect highlights the figure, emphasizing the sense of overwhelming pressure. Surrounding the central figure are detailed urban elements like trees and benches, rendered in a subdued manner to maintain focus. The eerie, nightmarish atmosphere reflects the article's themes of hidden agendas, manipulation, and the struggle for authenticity in a corporate setting. The image captures the internal turmoil and exhaustion faced by neurodivergent professionals navigating socially complex environments. — “Biggest Freaking NGO on the Planet” by Johnny Profane Âû. Digital tools included AI.

In Part I, “What I Need to Collaborate,” we took a deep dive... into the sensory challenges neurodivergent professionals face in the workplace.

In Part II, we surveil the social battlefield. With a Big Ending. Special challenges neurodivergents might face as volunteers for nonprofits. Even allies.1

But. Now?

Now it’s time to face the sharks. In the office feeding tank...
High stakes.
Hidden agendas.
Emotional landmines.
You’re either Food.
Or you’re climbing over bodies to move up the Corporate Food Chain.

Ever feel like the “Fast Track”2 is one Big Club? And as the legendary comedian George Carlin3 might say, “You ain’t in it...”

Either it was the Acid4... Or, he was one of us...

Let’s dive in. Picture this: a high-pressure, forced working lunch. Social interaction overload.

Here’s my story of navigating this chaos. Brace yourself.

Swimming with Sharks? Facing the Frenzy... Then the LONG Recovery

As I turn to leave, the lead account executive snags my elbow.

“Say? You like German? I know the best German around the Bay. Let’s me and you grab a quick bite.”

He orders for both of us imperiously. Bossy, not my favorite move. Even on a date.

A close-up image of a large, greasy German pig knuckle served on a white paper plate. The pig knuckle has a crispy, golden-brown exterior and tender, juicy interior, with some visible fat and meat. In the background, a person wearing a plaid shirt is holding a knife, ready to cut into the meat. A stainless steel fork and knife are placed on the table next to the plate. The setting appears to be an outdoor dining area, possibly a beer garden, with a blurred green background. Public domain. — A close-up image of a large, greasy German pig knuckle. Public domain.

He explains what he thinks my “winning play” is. Over a plate of pig’s knuckles… my anxious stomach revolting. Probably some alpha-male mind game…5

“It’s easy. Help Alex beef up his ideas.” Alex is his creative chief. “After that? Just sell them to our client. Use that publisher passion of yours that they love.”

Important Note: Account Execs make money on commission. Quicker the better. Creative niceties are just roadblocks. To them.

“I make money, you make money. You get more work out of the agency.”

Did he just wink at me?

“Everybody goes home happy.”

I point out that I was hired to be “real” for the client’s engineering team. That the client requested my thinking... because they dug my magazine.

Ok. That went well.

In some alternate universe, Rod Serling intones a lost episode of Twilight Zone6...

Imagine, if you will, an average business lunch. During which you witness the formation of a new circle of Dante’s Hell.7 A place crafted specifically for the emotionally terrorized. Inhabited exclusively by neurodivergent professionals...

"Imagine If You Will... A New Circle of Hell," a digital image by Johnny Profane Âû. In a diner with a vividly colored, abstract mural background, Rod Serling, a white male with a five-o'clock shadow, is depicted smoking a cigarette. He's dressed in a black suit with a white shirt and black tie. His skin is painted an unnatural green, adding a surreal touch. In front of him on the table is a slice of pizza, a napkin dispenser, and a sugar bowl. On top of the napkin dispenser sits a devil's head bobble toy, adding a quirky element to the scene. The art style is rough and expressive, reminiscent of Basquiat, with bold, chaotic strokes and vibrant colors. The background transitions from dark to light, highlighting Serling's figure in the center. This image captures the surreal and chaotic nature of navigating social pressures and forced interactions, reflective of the themes in the accompanying text about the challenges of maintaining authenticity, dealing with sensory overload, and facing manipulative dynamics in professional settings. Digital tools included AI. — “Imagine If You Will... A New Circle of Hell,” a digital image by Johnny Profane Âû. Digital tools included AI.

All right, let’s break it down. Emotion-wise...

Here are the autistic hurdles I face in navigating these typical office dynamics.

Hidden agendas, manipulation... mind games?
Reading between the lines ain’t my autistic superpower.
Here, the account exec pushes his creative chief’s ideas. Not valuing mine.

Lack of Respect.
Brought in for my knowledge.
But he values speed and profit over my strength: true innovation.
Frustrating.

Forced social interaction is stressful as hell. For me.
Coerced into lunch.
He orders for me. No input from me. Food that disgusts me. Probably some alpha male test…
Disregards personal boundaries...
And my need for fucking alone time.

Then there’s the pressure to get on board with the “team.”
The implicit demand for instant conformity.
To sell ideas I didn’t create.
My deep need for authenticity?
Out the window. Or else.

I need to recover from the emotional and sensory overload of the meeting we just finished. Instead, I get...
Anxious meeting #2.
Revolting food.
Sensory overload.
Skyrocketing stress.
Can I think clearly?
NO CAN DO.

All the above? Compound my neurodivergent strain. Navigating a high-pressure, socially complex work environment. Leading to massive emotional and physical exhaustion.

But yeah, I got paid around $7K. For the billable hours. Meetings, working with a talented art director, most likely neurodivergent... and my solo writing time. Plus a bonus. Cuz the client was thrilled.

But not a thin dime for the hours of post-meeting recovery time.
From stress, anxiety, panic.
In the dark.
At home. After each daily 2-hour meeting.
For two weeks.

And not a penny toward the two-week, post-project, forced “vacation.” Before I could work again. Like, to pay rent.

Cuz then, there’s ALWAYS... the Aftermath.
Post-meeting meltdowns.
Recovery time.
Sheer exhaustion.
Day after freaking day.
Their cumulative impact gonna kill me.

I may bill at $125/hour in 1996. Decent money. Then.

But counting unbillable RECOVERY time? I net a measly $53.85. Less than half. Then, I gotta take out travel expenses.

And that’s before factoring in the cost of my sanity...

These challenges ain’t unique to me.

They’re real 3D life. For countless autistic professionals. Just trying to navigate a world not designed with us in mind.

But, this may seem like yesterday’s news. Today, corporations boast entire corporate DEI departments. Who dedicate their 40 hours to the needs of neurodivergent people. It may still be tough. But I hear it’s getting better.

But there are other worlds yet to conquer...

What about our allies... the folks supposed to “get it”? Naturally, they work to meet our needs...?

Let me tell you another story...

I got an exciting project in my messages today. From an international organization I respect in the neurodivergent community. They wanted a 5-minute video out of me. And to join a panel of autistic speakers they lined up. Sounds like a great chance! Share my insights... Maybe connect with other interesting folks...

But all I got are a bunch of fragmented emails staring at me from my night mode screen...

(5 weeks and 1 day to go...)

VIP #1 (Very Important Person Numero Uno:

Hi Johnny, “Todd Depardiu” (fictitious name) suggested I talk with you.
I am the founder of Fill-in-The-Blank Advocacy Group.
We work with Fill-in-the-Much-Larger-Blank Institute. We’re managing an event for The-Biggest-Freaking-Blank Non-Governmental Organization on the Planet, the BFNGO.
We need a 5-minute video message and your presence on a panel with autistic speakers. Please connect to discuss.

I’ve been offline a few weeks. Recovering from my last project... So, I respond belatedly.

AutisticAF dot Me:

Got your message. Gotta thank Todd.
Tell me about your project. Honored you ask!

(Next day, 5 weeks to go...)

VIP #1:

Hi Johnny,
We need a 5-minute video message and your presence on a panel with autistic speakers. Please connect to discuss.
Need the video in about 5 weeks. Would you talk about your music and creativity?
By diverse background, I mean race, culture, and interests. All panelists are going to be autistic.

Strange. Isn’t that point for point what I already I read in the FIRST message? Which is why asked for more detail? Before I make any commitment?

AutisticAF dot Me:

I’d love to participate. I’m uncertain about the details. But if you can give me more specific information... It sounds fun and impactful.

(Another 2 weeks later, only 3 weeks to go...)

I hear nothing. Then…

VIP #1 writes to say that “Alex” will be in touch about the panel discussion. Soon. Asking for my email addy to follow up.

(Yet another 2 weeks later, 1 WEEK to go....)

No joy. Then…

Some unknown VIP #2... who NO one mentions up to now... reaches out on a Tuesday morning. “Alex”? The guy(?) I was told to expect? Never heard from ‘em.

VIP #2 casually mentions that the panel recording is 4 days away on Friday. Even more caszh, “This is a tight deadline.”

The sudden urgency was overwhelming.
Provide a profile picture,
100-word bio,
a 1-minute video showcasing talent.

VIP #2 then helpfully provides
5 detailed questions for the panel,
Each requiring precisely 1-minute of finished video... no more.
Pressure mounts. I feel cornered.

(Next morning, 6 DAYS to go....)

AutisticAF dot Me:

VIP #2, I will not be able to take part. I received a note a month or so back.
I asked then for more info at that time. Never heard back.
Now here’s a last-minute deadline. I can’t drop projects I’m working on. I was ridiculously flattered when VIP #1 contacted me. But can’t pull this off.
And frankly... my humble work probably would be way out of place with others’ more professional material. I need to decline. I wish I could have had this info earlier.

(within the hour, 5 DAYS 23 hours to go....)

Will miracles never cease?

VIP #2 responds, promptly, professionally. Understands the deadline and work pressures. Expresses hope for better organization next year. Wishes me well.

I go into immediate paroxysms of guilt,
regret,
second-guessing,
forgetting what I was thinking,
looping back,
starting again and over again,
THIRD guessing...

Then...

(1 anxious hour of autistic review and re-review later, 5 DAYS 22 hours to go....)

AutisticAF dot Me:

Ok. I guess I vented. And I guess we’re in the same boat vis a vis the disorganization of this project.
So let me add... if you get stuck get back to me. I guess today?
But I think I’m the wrong guy. I think VIP #1 hadn’t looked at anything about me when they sent the feeler.
I’m amateur. No awards. No credentials. Etc. I have a large social media following cuz I’m a personality I guess.
If you DO get stuck, please take a look. I’ll go ahead and pull it together... But I don’t want to embarrass anyone.

{I throw in a buncha image and video links}

Can you smell the ambivalence in my reply? That stench is one of those persistent sensory assaults I just can’t shake...

(Next morning, 4 DAYS to go....)

VIP #2:

I don’t know who VIP #1 is, but I do know that no mistake was made in asking you to the panel. If you could join it would be fantastic.
But please don’t feel any pressure, because you don’t owe your energy and time to this project.
It’s around midnight now, so I’m off to bed. I think the 1-minute video can be a snippet of any of your existing YouTube videos. Maybe with some stills of the beautiful images you also attached. Here are 5 questions for the panel; they need a 1-minute response each.
Good night/day, I hope we can find a way to make this happen. Either way, I appreciate you considering it.

Well. VIP 2 cheated. Got human with me. That’s like honey to this here Winnie the Pooh. I can’t resist it. Damn her eyes anyways... Sincerity hooks me in every time.

Yeah... I’m gonna help.

(Next morning, 3 DAYS to go....)

AutisticAF dot Me:

You’re a peach. My perspective as a 70-year-old autist? I can be grumpy. I’ll dig into this. Good chance I needed handholding... but seriously, I’m pretty effing amateur. Nighty-night. I’ll jump on this.

Which I did. After pulling the necessary all-nighter. Then there were the several lengthy, abortive upload fiascos created by my rural, low-bandwidth internet…

BUT it was a grand success. At this grand personal cost...

Over just 5 weeks, you’ve seen me whipsawed from initial excitement to total-collapse. By conflicting pressures and constant change.

Keeping my balance in this madness defines my life as a neurodivergent creative.

Here’s the detailed blow-by-blow...

Juggling this project? Juggling my self-care? While being thrown off balance by my inborn drive to do good... for the world?

Here’s what I faced... working with neurodivergent ALLIES.

Quick disclaimer: No two autists are alike. This is my story. You may see things differently... That’s exciting! Personally, I get some of my best ideas when I disagree with something... Sharpens my thinking. Either way, I hope you walk away with some useful nuggets. Many of us face these common struggles.

Let’s break it down...

Communication minefield.
My inbox became a maze of fragmented messages.
Clear instructions? MIA.8
Keeping up with the back-and-forth left me feeling robbed of one “spoon” after another. “Spoon Theory”9 energy management is an hour-to-hour process for me.

Last-minute deadlines are my Death Star.10
The frantic rush to get everything done? Pure panic.
No time to plan, no time to breathe.

Respect for my boundaries?
Being pressured into participation, at least initially... with little regard for my capacity or needs? That’s a disaster waiting to happen.
My need for structure and autonomy? Completely ignored.

Sensory assault was relentless.
The barrage of emails,
the ticking clock,
the mental acrobatics demanded to keep up?
Pushed me over the edge.

Politics and factions.
Dragged into NGO politics. Asked to take sides.
I cut out a lot of what went was going on. Some supportive. Some horrific.
But all draining.

Emotional rollercoaster.
Guilt, regret, second-guessing, anxiety? A toxic cocktail... that I was drowning in.
Balancing my drive to make a meaningful contribution? Against my need to protect my mental health...?

Yeah. Right.

Aftermath.
A month of illness and dysfunction followed.
No further output for 6 weeks.
This kind of stress and pressure is a burnout recipe.

See, it’s not the work. That’s bliss for me. It gives me energy. Purpose. It’s the complex social dynamics. Are they ever worth it to me?

These aren’t just my struggles. My emails and comments overflow with the stories like these. Autistic professionals trying to survive in this punch-a-time-clock world.

I get a lot of requests from Allies. Usually on an “emergency” basis. ALWAYS for the “most important” global cause... I try to jump on anything that supports our community. But I am Neurodivergent.

But comparing the nightmare I was prepared for... to the one I never saw coming? A tank full of agency sharks vs. an inbox full of ALLIES… who I expected to be caring, concerned… and neurodivergent savvy?

Umm... activists, allies... don’t you KNOW in your bones that we Neurodivergent... well, have different needs?

I may love and respect you. I still have my problems functioning... with you. Ya know... #AuDHD?

However noble your cause... I still need specificity & clarity.

The Even BIGGER Reveal: What I Need ALLIES... to Ask Themselves!

I have a little something just for you, neurodivergent allies! You folks who advocate and fight for us.

I have 7 questions... and a request... that I wish neurodivergent allies would ask themselves. BEFORE approaching me for ANY volunteer project.

If you read Part I, you know they are the same I ask of non-Ally paying clients. But, right or wrong, I expect more from someone advocating for neurodivergent people.

First up, have I explained the Purpose of this project to the neurodivergent volunteer?
- This neurodivergent needs to understand your Mission. Exactly how is this project going to save the world?
- I need a clear path to align my contributions with your goals. If you want my best effort.
Next, have I described who will see the neurodivergent’s work? How will the audience benefit or use it?
- Knowing my audience helps me tailor my approach. If I understand how I’m making a difference in their lives...? It keeps my work meaningful and focused.
Now, did I clearly outline what action or result from our audience are hoping for from the neurodivergent’s contribution?
- Specific goals sharpen my focus. Do you want them to protest march? Donate? Change their ways?
- Be as detailed in your expectations & instructions as you can be. Trust me, I’ll let you know if it’s too much. 😜
The Biggie… Did I suggest a realistic deadline to the volunteer?!👈👈👈
- “As Soon As Possible” is NOT a deadline. Of any kind. It may motivate typical employees. Dunno. But it does NOT drive me. Even if you’re trying to stave off an impending World War III.
  - Fear is the mind killer... It. Paralyzes. Me. Like every other form of stress-induced freeze.
- “Will this give you enough time for your best work?”
  - This question energizes me. Motivates me. I’ll drop everything to work on your project... IF you ask that.
- Realistic deadlines help me manage my time and anxiety.
  - But only if you care enough to make sure I have time to work through my process.
- Believe my first estimate of how long I need?
  - We’re not on Let’s Make a Deal. I detest haggling. I give it to you straight the first time.
Did I ask if my volunteer would prefer support during the process? For instance, reviewing a draft in advance of deadline... to ensure the results will be on task?
- Creativity is my strong suit... But I need your feedback to ease my anxiety... and keep me on target.
- Setting up a feedback schedule ensures you get my best work. And helps me feel valued.
Did I make clear any benefit or compensation for the volunteer personally?
- I’m not looking for money for every project... not personal compensation anyway.
  - But inspire me with your idea of how we’re going to save the world... together?
  - Or intrigue me with some technical angle from my own special interests?
- I’m putty in your hands.
Finally, did fully explain our publicity considerations to the neurodivergent volunteer?
- Whether they may mention publicly that that they are working on our project? Or that they’ve submitted it for consideration? Or, otherwise, discuss it?
- This can benefit me... and possibly you.
- Your clear communication about publicity helps me respect boundaries, meet expectations.
For Extra Ally Points: Make sure to contact the volunteer after our event or publication. They may be concerned how their work was received.
- Following up demonstrates respect for my effort. The least I expect from any Ally. It gives me insight into the impact of my contribution. It’s more than a neurodiverse nicety.
  - It alleviates my anxiety about the work’s reception.

Allies make a huge difference...

When you understand… and implement… strategies to support our neurodivergent needs. As you already know them...

Here are some extra steps you can take. Especially important when we work on volunteer projects.

Ask Each Neurodivergent Individual about Their Needs: We’re all different. I’ve shared my needs to spark your creativity as the reader. But we each have unique communication and collaboration preferences. As you know...

Create a Supportive Environment: You may preach celebrating the differences of neurodivergent thinking. And talk about our unique contributions...

But please keep them in your heart... and in the heart of everyone you ask to interact with us.

It’s not about maintaining a list of “No-No Neurodivergent Words.”
Not about Puzzle Pieces.
Or the color-of-the-moment for Infinity symbols.
It’s about more than the guidelines kept by some Neurodiversity-purist gatekeeper...

It’s about creating a space where neurodivergent individuals feel safe and respected... so they can create for you.

It’s unfortunate, but... As much as I want to help, I can’t work in a vacuum. It’s hard on my nervous system. And I struggle to say “NO!”

To anyone.

But Pro Tip... for ALLIES?

These are things I need to keep my anxiety down. Many neurodivergents you contact will need the same. Or more.

But they might not be as blunt as I am... and tell you.
They’ll just decline.
Or suffer silently... because we’re used to trauma.
Or fail to deliver what they committed to...
Because they just...
Could. Not. Do it.

I’m a high-anxiety ND. I can worry myself sick. Especially around things that trigger Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria11.

Ya know, pain?

Ally... or not? Could you work with me on this?

Please?

"Happiest Freaking Neurodivergent on the Planet" by Johnny Profane Au. The image depicts a whimsical, sunny cityscape with a tall modern building labeled "BFNGO." In front of the building stands an oversized figure of a smiling man in a tie, waving energetically. The art style blends elements of caricature and classic illustration, with vibrant colors and playful details. This cheerful figure symbolizes a neurodivergent professional's success when working with sensitive allies. The city's park and bustling streets, with neatly arranged trees and people, convey a sense of order and normalcy. However, the exaggerated depiction of the central character hints at the fantasy element of this scenario. The scene ironically negates the article's themes of hidden agendas, manipulation, and the fight for authenticity in corporate environments. The whimsical watercolor art style contrasts with the serious subject matter, making an ironic comment on the emotional labor and exhaustion faced by neurodivergent individuals in professional settings. — “Happiest Freaking Neurodivergent on the Planet” by Johnny Profane Âû. Digital tools included AI.

#ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #Neurodivergent... #BlahBlahBlah

Thank you for reading #AutisticAF Out Loud. Please help all neurodivergent voices beat the social media algorithm. Share articles like these.

Neurodivergent professionals can face severe office politics. Work becomes more a survival battle than a career.
1. Why is this significant? Strategies to navigate these challenges.
Corporate dynamics can push neurodivergents beyond their limits. Significant stress and discomfort impact their work output and quality.
1. Which strategies can help? Ideas to manage stress in high-pressure environments.
Finding a balance between corporate demands and neurodivergent authenticity is crucial. Staying true to yourself while meeting corporate expectations.
1. Ideas on how to achieve this balance effectively staying true to yourself while meeting corporate expectations.
Navigating social interactions, like working lunches, can be overwhelming. Rather than celebratory or productive, they may induce anxiety for neurodivergent individuals.
1. Alternatives may include setting boundaries and finding new interaction methods.
Supportive and understanding environments can help neurodivergent professionals thrive.
1. Where to start? Implementing practices such as providing quiet workspaces and clear communication can make a significant difference.

Bonus Takeaway for Allies: 7 Questions neurodivergent allies may want to ask themselves to better support their colleagues and friends.

Footnotes

Neurodivergent allies are folks who support and advocate for the appreciation, representation, and inclusion of neurodivergent people, including autistics. They work as individuals, informal groups, or organized nonprofits.

Fast Track refers to a corporate career path where select individuals get promoted quickly due to their perceived potential and networking abilities. Ya know, office politics, social skills, maybe a of dash achievement. But office politics usually trumps the mix. That’s what Ilya saw… https://mashable.com/article/openair-ilya-slutskever-leaves-chief-scientist

George Carlin was a legendary comedian known for his sharp social commentary and wit. He famously said, 'It’s a big club, and you ain’t in it.' Feels like being the only one not invited to the office party, right?

Acid refers to LSD, a hallucinogenic drug popularized in the 1960s. Ya know, the stuff that makes people feel all One with the Universe. And stumble onto truth...

Alpha male mind game refers to those testosterone-fueled antics where someone tries to flex their dominance and control. Think psychological chess, but pretty much as played by a 6th-grade playground bully. Just wearing a tie. And a smile.

The Twilight Zone was a classic 1960s TV show, known for eerie and thought-provoking stories. Rod Serling, the show's creator and narrator, had a talent for turning everyday scenarios into mind-bending episodes. Sort of David Lynch before David Lynch made Weird... Cool. Like your office lunch, just fewer spreadsheets. Lots more existential dread.

Dante's "Inferno" is part of "The Divine Comedy," a horrific medieval poem where Hell is kinda like a never-ending job performance review. Nine concentric circles, each more terrifying than the last. Imagine the worst office politics ever... f o r e v e r.

MIA – Maybe back before MIA was a rap star... back before your Great Grand Pappy won WWII, MIA is what the Government called a soldier lost in combat. But they couldn't find the body. “Missing In Action.” In other words, those clear instructions? Dead on Arrival. DOA. Nowhere to be found.

Spoon Theoryis Christine Miserandino’s metaphor for the limited energy available to someone with chronic disability. Imagine starting your day with a handful of spoons. Each task takes one spoon away. By lunch, you’re out of spoons… running on fumes. It’s like trying to run a marathon on a spoonful of water.

Death Star, srsly? Tell me you don't know what the Death Star is. What planet are you from? It's a reference to the giant space-station superweapon from the Star Wars series. Just as the Death Star spells doom for planets, last-minute deadlines can feel like impending destruction. To me.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) – An unbearable emotional pain triggered by the perception of rejection, criticism, or failure. Remember the first love of your life? How BAD that breakup felt? RSD is like that. Over every freaking critique.

Brian Rogers

May 23Liked by Johnny Profane (Knapp Âû)

Oooof, I feel this in every part of my being.

As a fellow Autist I just find myself entirely befuddled by this entities conduct. If I had been in your situation I would've absolutely skewered them publicly.

Typically, if folks don't get back to me in a timely manner when they want a tight deadline, I assume that its exploitation rather than anything resembling good-faith dialogue.

I grew up in a culture that has -- zero -- patience for bullshit. As I typically say - "Us Arizonans aren't typically passive aggressive, we're aggressive aggressive."

So, if and when this happens to me, I would just simply delight in publicly destroying this NGO over this conduct. My deep need for justice wouldn't have it any other way.

Expand full comment

1 reply by Johnny Profane (Knapp Âû)