My Autism Is Surreal... Help Me Fight That?

Research, media portrayals? Arrogant false certainty?

Recent, painful conversations with Claude & Perplexity sent this autist into a tailspin.

AI... and most non-autistics... notably caregivers and researchers... can only know published data about my internal experience.

This can lead to pain. From a kind of arrogance of false certainty.

I am an unusual human. With somewhat different triggers. And perhaps more extremes in my emotional responses.

Autism + ADHD is perhaps a more complicated experience than you might understand? Given the published record looks totally alien to my actual lived experience.

Not wrong. But so surreally off, it's hard for me to see myself in standard research or non-autistics writing, media portrayal, etc.

I may need help expressing this. I think what's missing in the record most glaringly? Is consideration of my internal world. As you can see, the clinical depiction of sensory, cognitive, emotional processing differences may not prepare you for my pain.

I think? It is almost impossible to depict for other humans... the simultaneous truths of my mind.

Yes. I can be articulate. But this hides the nature of how difficult producing each word for me can be.

Yes. I can reason. But the communication between my rational understanding and my emotional experience may be impossible for other non autistics to grasp.

I am simultaneously 72, 17, 7 and 3 years old?

Specifically, my emotions & social abilities didn't STOP developing in jr high.

BUT but but... they developed extremely slowly compared to other humans.

In a way? At 72, I think like a 50 year old.
Feel like a teenager.
Experience intense curiosity like a 7 year old.
Meltdown like a 3 year old?

I'm definitely different from other non autistic human septuagenarians I know.

Maybe that's a metaphor to work with?

In advance, I don't know that other Neurodivergents experience this. But suspect some do.

And mean no offense to any human. I'm struggling to find my meaningful, insightful, actionable... words.

I may need your help. Not your certain answers.

Your human help.

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